HELLO, SHADEA. Congratulations on HAVING YOUR BABY.
Thanks! CONGRATS TO YOU TOO!
We are now officially mothers, and what an incredible feeling that is! I had a moment the other night, where I said something like “Mama’s right here!” and then realized, WOAH, that’s real now, I’m a mama, I have that title!
I remember having this moment in the hospital where one of the nurses said “mama,” and I looked at my mom thinking, what is what is she asking her, and then realized she was actually talking to me. That was kind of a surreal moment, to say the least.
For sure! I don’t know if you feel the same — but I know Ariadne is a month old tomorrow and that means Roya’s right behind her — and I’d say this entire first month has been pretty surreal? We keep saying, she’s here, she’s OURS, she’s not going anywhere. I think there’s still this lingering feeling that it’s not for real or she’s not ours permanently.
Oh yeah, the feeling of impermanence even though you know this is your kid and the beginning of your family is definitely strange.
So I’m going to jump in and say the thing I think I was most nervous about was really understanding of what it was that baby needed. And not being able to stop her screaming. Which it’s early yet maybe that will happen. *shrugs* But now I’m thinking, no this is just a game of observation and response.
Yeah, that fear of feeling bewildered with a screaming baby.
I think the first couple days were kinda like that, just because it’s your first few days as a mom. But then you learn how to feed, soothe, and comfort her, and you start to have tools in your arsenal.
I think the thing is you can do all this reading and preparation, but it’s like anything else, you have to physically start doing the tasks to get better at them. And then once you have done them a few days, you have a better understanding and it becomes more natural.
Oh yeah you definitely have to learn by doing in this case.
I mean maybe I’m spoiled and Roya honestly didn’t cry very much. It was just crying, let’s feed you and if it doesn’t work then inevitably, it would be changing her diaper and I don’t know — not as daunting as I thought it would be
This was one topic I wanted to mention to you — I know that I was scared before having Ari that I would be really frustrated or annoyed by the demands of parenting. Like I would find the lack of sleep, the interruptions, the nursing inconveniences and I would resent it.
I think it’s really hard to understand when the child isn’t “real” or here yet — I think we can’t understand what it feels like to HAVE that baby — happily, I’ve found that it’s NOT like that at all!! I don’t resent it, I feel very much like I can’t let her down, I WANT to be helping her. If she’s upset, even if it’s just waiting while I changed her diaper, it breaks my heart and I WANT to resolve it ASAP. It’s not a chore or a inconvenience. But I just don’t think we can understand that before baby gets here — everyone says you can’t imagine how you’ll feel once baby is actually here and you really can’t. Everything changes, but not until baby arrives.